Victim or Survivor

Bad, sometimes even terrible things, happen to each and every one of us. There are no free rides in this world. Some instances seem worse than others, but to each person experiencing each hardship, they all feel near the same - regardless of what outside forces label as the worst. They can all devastate and scar for life. The only thing we can control is what we become because of them.

Victims

We all know those people with the proverbial chip on their shoulder, or maybe even have a chip ourselves. We can feel that we are owed something because of an experience (sometimes a 'victim' is owed some kind of payment for an injustice, but for this article, I'm speaking of a more general emotional state). And lives can be lived going around with an emotional hand out collecting what we believe we are owed. People like this often leave a river of injured souls in their wake, becoming hard to love if they won't love back or repeating painful cycles and inflicting on themselves and those around them the same painful circumstances over and over. A victim never escapes the cycle. They live out their lives in misery because of what was done to them, searching for people to fix their pain and make them happy. Problem is, someone else can't do that for anyone.

Survivors

We all know those people who are the first to lend a hand, share a hug and a smile, and seem to love life. And when we find out they haven't had a life only full of love and laughter, it's surprising. There really isn't a whole lot to say other than they work, they love, they live and keep living no matter what happened in their past. They still cry, but they know how to heal their own pain and know how to find their own happiness. Often times they are the people others love to be around.

The Scars

The scars of a Survivor are no different than the scars of a Victim. The difference between them is how they react to their pain.  We can't control everything that happens to us. What we can control is our reaction to those things. Not everyone recognizes their scars, though. They can manifest in so many ways. Insecurities, fears, obsessive needs, bad habits, and many more. They can manifest in cycles of bad relationships, failed jobs, dreams that fall short of being reached over and over.

The cycles of misery can end.

You must make a conscious choice for happiness.

Only we have the power to undo the misery that has been done to us, we must make a conscious choice to learn from what happened but not let it define us. Live only forward. New trials are not always the fault of the past. Go forward. Leave as much of the pain in the past as possible in any way that you can. Realize the true importance of things.

I read once that before I allowed stress or worry to upset me, I should ask myself "in five years will I remember or still be affected by the issue?"  At first, everything was always "of couse, yes!"  But as years passed and I was able to stand back and actually look back five years, I started to realize how much everything changes in just five years. What feels life shattering may actually not be so. And I started to live forward. Even when bad things happen, look forward.

Even a Survivor can be knocked down

But a Survivor always works to find a way to get back up. They can turn to their friends for consoling, and sometimes even need other help, but a Survivor will always look for a way and do the work they need to do to get back on their feet because to them, there is no other way. They strive to be at peace and be happy.

Strive to be a Survivor

It's never ever too late if you realize you've been living the life of a victim or to keep from sliding into the life of a victim. You can choose to break your cycles and not dwell on misery.  Choose to live forward and let the pain of the past reside in the past.

Choose to be happy.