Bad, sometimes even terrible things, happen to each and every one of us. There are no free rides in this world. Some instances seem worse than others, but to each person experiencing each hardship, they all feel near the same - regardless of what outside forces label as the worst. They can all devastate and scar for life. The only thing we can control is what we become because of them.
Victims
We all know those people with the proverbial chip on their shoulder, or maybe even have a chip ourselves. We can feel that we are owed something because of an experience (sometimes a 'victim' is owed some kind of payment for an injustice, but for this article, I'm speaking of a more general emotional state). And lives can be lived going around with an emotional hand out collecting what we believe we are owed. People like this often leave a river of injured souls in their wake, becoming hard to love if they won't love back or repeating painful cycles and inflicting on themselves and those around them the same painful circumstances over and over. A victim never escapes the cycle. They live out their lives in misery because of what was done to them, searching for people to fix their pain and make them happy. Problem is, someone else can't do that for anyone.
Survivors
We all know those people who are the first to lend a hand, share a hug and a smile, and seem to love life. And when we find out they haven't had a life only full of love and laughter, it's surprising. There really isn't a whole lot to say other than they work, they love, they live and keep living no matter what happened in their past. They still cry, but they know how to heal their own pain and know how to find their own happiness. Often times they are the people others love to be around.
The Scars
The scars of a Survivor are no different than the scars of a Victim. The difference between them is how they react to their pain. We can't control everything that happens to us. What we can control is our reaction to those things. Not everyone recognizes their scars, though. They can manifest in so many ways. Insecurities, fears, obsessive needs, bad habits, and many more. They can manifest in cycles of bad relationships, failed jobs, dreams that fall short of being reached over and over.
The cycles of misery can end.
You must make a conscious choice for happiness.
Only we have the power to undo the misery that has been done to us, we must make a conscious choice to learn from what happened but not let it define us. Live only forward. New trials are not always the fault of the past. Go forward. Leave as much of the pain in the past as possible in any way that you can. Realize the true importance of things.
I read once that before I allowed stress or worry to upset me, I should ask myself "in five years will I remember or still be affected by the issue?" At first, everything was always "of couse, yes!" But as years passed and I was able to stand back and actually look back five years, I started to realize how much everything changes in just five years. What feels life shattering may actually not be so. And I started to live forward. Even when bad things happen, look forward.
Even a Survivor can be knocked down
But a Survivor always works to find a way to get back up. They can turn to their friends for consoling, and sometimes even need other help, but a Survivor will always look for a way and do the work they need to do to get back on their feet because to them, there is no other way. They strive to be at peace and be happy.
Strive to be a Survivor
It's never ever too late if you realize you've been living the life of a victim or to keep from sliding into the life of a victim. You can choose to break your cycles and not dwell on misery. Choose to live forward and let the pain of the past reside in the past.
Choose to be happy.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Finding Your Way
A fellow writer challenged people to write about the turning point in their lives - the one instance where things fell apart and they found their way. He wants everyone to share their story.
"Which time" is the first question that pops into my mind. He talked about the life changing events that led him to do his life purpose. I found my life purpose years ago. Still, things threaten to muddy it.
This last time? Well, writing about that would be hard because this latest life wreckage is still ongoing. The past few years have piled up a mass of pain and frustration, and complete disillusionment to so many things, big and small, I'm still reeling in the aftermath while staring into the maw of what yet awaits for the near future.
I will escape. How do I know that? Because there is no other option. None that I know of. When? As soon as I can manage, but the exact timetable is unknown.
How does one recover from a realization that someone they thought was a very dear friend for years really didn't know them at all? Which then reveals just how much of the past five or so years were false - of the friends that were considered family who are no longer there because of some misunderstanding of something they assumed you thought? How does one deal with finishing the thing that was their main life purpose, the one task that has ruled their life for the last twenty years, hitting the end of that line and having just empty air? How does one survive the fight of a dear family member with an illness that can't be cured? An illness that made clear just how bad the "systems" that I thought were there to help had gotten. There is no help. And how does one keep going when what they do with their heart and soul is referred to as: glad you get to do your "thing" but how about a real job. A statement that wasn't meant to harm but somehow stripped every last ounce of "get up" that remained. Because without the "thing" - aka, my life purpose - there really is nothing else.
You just do.
You get up each morning and "do." Do what? That doesn't much matter, I don't think, not to start. It's a matter of just doing something, anything. One day at a time. And having the courage to do the thing that completes you or remain with the "thing" even when it's thought a waste by people important to you.
Life takes a huge amount of stubbornness, perseverance, determination, and conviction. It will test you over and over, prod, strangle, stomp on, and try to beat you to a pulp. It may even succeed to reducing you to pulp. We all fall into the despair. That's okay. Just don't stay there too long. Defiantly get to your knees, keep your chin high, and get up no matter how many times you land at the bottom. Get up. Pick up the pieces, or throw them out and make new ones. And keep going forward. Life will try to keep you down. Don't let it. You are better than that.
"Which time" is the first question that pops into my mind. He talked about the life changing events that led him to do his life purpose. I found my life purpose years ago. Still, things threaten to muddy it.
This last time? Well, writing about that would be hard because this latest life wreckage is still ongoing. The past few years have piled up a mass of pain and frustration, and complete disillusionment to so many things, big and small, I'm still reeling in the aftermath while staring into the maw of what yet awaits for the near future.
I will escape. How do I know that? Because there is no other option. None that I know of. When? As soon as I can manage, but the exact timetable is unknown.
How does one recover from a realization that someone they thought was a very dear friend for years really didn't know them at all? Which then reveals just how much of the past five or so years were false - of the friends that were considered family who are no longer there because of some misunderstanding of something they assumed you thought? How does one deal with finishing the thing that was their main life purpose, the one task that has ruled their life for the last twenty years, hitting the end of that line and having just empty air? How does one survive the fight of a dear family member with an illness that can't be cured? An illness that made clear just how bad the "systems" that I thought were there to help had gotten. There is no help. And how does one keep going when what they do with their heart and soul is referred to as: glad you get to do your "thing" but how about a real job. A statement that wasn't meant to harm but somehow stripped every last ounce of "get up" that remained. Because without the "thing" - aka, my life purpose - there really is nothing else.
You just do.
You get up each morning and "do." Do what? That doesn't much matter, I don't think, not to start. It's a matter of just doing something, anything. One day at a time. And having the courage to do the thing that completes you or remain with the "thing" even when it's thought a waste by people important to you.
Life takes a huge amount of stubbornness, perseverance, determination, and conviction. It will test you over and over, prod, strangle, stomp on, and try to beat you to a pulp. It may even succeed to reducing you to pulp. We all fall into the despair. That's okay. Just don't stay there too long. Defiantly get to your knees, keep your chin high, and get up no matter how many times you land at the bottom. Get up. Pick up the pieces, or throw them out and make new ones. And keep going forward. Life will try to keep you down. Don't let it. You are better than that.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Breathe
When I started this blog, my goal was to post something here each week at least. Didn't quite work out, sorry about that.
We are dealing with an illness in my family, one that is stealing away a loved one's ability to breathe. We're getting through as best as possible, I suppose. Holding onto hope.
Such a simple thing, isn't it -- to take a breath. If your lungs work as they should, don't take it for granted. If they work at all, don't take it for granted. I enjoy the simple act of running up and down the stairs these days. Because I can, maybe not as well as others and I'm huffing and puffing at the top, but hey, I'm still able to do it.
Just breathe.
Some have to fight to do that very needed act for every second of life they grasp. Those with asthma understand, those with emphysema, lung disease, infection. The inflictions that can affect our lungs are mind boggling.
Today, as the air brushes around the tree leaves and birds whistle and trill in the quiet of my backyard, I take a deep breath, glad for my antihistamines, and hoping for my loved one to do the same soon. Somehow, someway. To not be trapped in the battle to just breathe.
We are dealing with an illness in my family, one that is stealing away a loved one's ability to breathe. We're getting through as best as possible, I suppose. Holding onto hope.
Such a simple thing, isn't it -- to take a breath. If your lungs work as they should, don't take it for granted. If they work at all, don't take it for granted. I enjoy the simple act of running up and down the stairs these days. Because I can, maybe not as well as others and I'm huffing and puffing at the top, but hey, I'm still able to do it.
Just breathe.
Some have to fight to do that very needed act for every second of life they grasp. Those with asthma understand, those with emphysema, lung disease, infection. The inflictions that can affect our lungs are mind boggling.
Today, as the air brushes around the tree leaves and birds whistle and trill in the quiet of my backyard, I take a deep breath, glad for my antihistamines, and hoping for my loved one to do the same soon. Somehow, someway. To not be trapped in the battle to just breathe.
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