It's happened again, an awful tragedy in which someone chooses to pick up a gun and harm others. Why? We ask. Some shout that the only answer is stricter gun control. They look to the government to "fix" it, all this senseless pain and loss, anger and resentment often wrongly placed.
Something jumped out at me today though, a blog post I read about how the most recent killer left this message online in reference of the past incident. He wrote: “On an interesting note, I have noticed that so many people like him are all alone and unknown, yet when they spill a little blood, the whole world knows who they are,”
Am I the only one who sees that guns aren't they problem here? I won't mention names because I don't wish to give them attention for a horrendous deed, but at the same time, my heart cries for them as much as it does for those good people who are destroyed by their awful choice to gain attention in such a vicious, ugly way.
Does society really not see it? Do we really put all blame on an inanimate object? Or is that just the easy way for us to feel that we're doing something to fix it.
I don't know what the fix is, but as for the answer to what's going on, I have a few thoughts.
Loss of hope.
We've always had guns and in my 43 years, I've always lived in communities with guns. Hunting was often how food was put on the table along with farming. There were no shootings at schools. Kids worked for the family businesses or helped relatives or had after school jobs. We learned that we could accomplish things through hard work, that we could get ahead, that we had some control of our lives.
What do people today face? Too many of us fear leaving our houses at night. Too many of us fear how to make the next mortgage or rent payment. Too many of us don't know where to get the food for the table. We tell our kids they can only have a good job if they get a good education and that good education puts them thousands and thousands of dollars in debt then too many get out only to find there are no jobs, or there are only low paying jobs. Others work like mad just to pay insurances and housing.
The saddest part about that is too many of these people feel invisible and hopeless.
They've either never learned they have power, or they've ended up in situations that leave them powerless to do anything different or more, or they work and work and work and get nothing from it, leaving them hopeless. I hear it all the time. Things keep getting worse, taxes, insurances, inflation, job losses, and the jobs that stay are not the ones we need. From my personal standpoint of having my own business, there are many MANY times I truly believe it would be less miserable to stop. All the red tape, taxes, etc, etc make it not worth it to even run a business. Is it the regulations, is it the fees, is it the... whatever. Whatever it is, we've lost too many of our jobs, the backbone jobs that took skill you could learn on the job and paid enough to live on. Too many of us simply feel like there is no getting ahead, there is no hope of something better.
How did things get like this? It wasn't always so. People always struggled, yes, but there was hope to reach for improvement. I'm not sure anyone believes in that hope any more. How many of us have given up and struggle only to make it from one month to the next, or one day to the next. How many of us are trapped in a miserable existence, not sure how to change it, lonely and tired of not being heard?
Perception of invisibility
On the other side of that, we need to realize we are not one of one. We are one of a whole. We are society. Everything we choose affects everyone and thing around us, but for some reason, too many of us have begun to feel like we affect nothing. Or that the things we do are somehow not valuable. If all we do all day is care for a child, that is one amazing thing. If all we do in a day is clean a public restroom, that is one amazing thing. (I think we all know how it feels to walk into a public restroom that hasn't been cleaned.) If all we do all day is dust our house and let dog in, let dog out, that is one amazing thing. No matter what you do or what your job, and even when there is no recognition or praise, it matters. It matters to the child, to the patrons who need the restroom, to the dog. You matter. We matter. And we need to start knowing that is enough. How many things we have, how big our house is, how new our car is - it doesn't matter. What matters is how you care for yourself and those around you whom you interact with.
You got fired for something ludicrous and no one seems to care. Pour your energy into finding something more suited for you. Reacting to do harm to others does no good.
I won't shout for gun control because I truly believe that is not the problem. Guns have always been here and saying every gun owner is a threat is not productive. It only breeds more anger and separation.
I shout out for true opportunity, not just the practiced mantra that it exists. I shout out that we may see our fellow men and women and truly "see" them, respect them, encourage them. Color, status, age, ethnicity, none of that matters, really. We all want the same thing.
We want to be known by someone.
I shout out for all of us to see need for the little things. We can't all be at the top. We need our farmers, our janitors, our butchers, our garbage men. May we willingly fill the role we best fit and serve the society we are part of to the best of our abilities.
And I shout out that we will, each of us, see the value in even the little jobs, or in the act of holding the door for another at a gas station.
We are not alone and not one of us is more valuable or less valuable than another.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
The Power of Fear
I am an author and artist. That is my trade. And my trade makes it necessary for me to do marketing. In all honesty, I don't do that well. Why? I know how, I could do it, but I really choose not to for the most part. Why? I refuse to manipulate.
To market efficiently there is an understanding of the human psyche needed. I have a certain amount of that understanding too. I walk into a store and I understand the placements of certain products and how it all manipulates customers to encourage impulse buying.
I refuse to manipulate. Oh, it can be said that writing is manipulative, and I do concede to that. The author's views and opinions undoubtedly leak into their story. But when I write, I don't wish to do anything more than tell a good story, and, truth be told, some of my characters have views and beliefs that really do differ from my own. There's so much manipulation already, and I don't wish to add to it other than to share a good, entertaining story.
If you doubt that we are manipulated, turn on the television, walk into a store. We are manipulated every moment we watch TV, even manipulated to ask our doctors (or even tell them) about a medication we think we need or want. We are bombarded with it daily.
A powerful tool of manipulation is fear. A good dose of it hit Boston and the nation recently. I knew about it. I spent time in quiet meditation, felt sorrow for those who suffered as a result of the violence. And that's as far as I allowed it to enter my home or my mind. I heard a saying once, not to let fester things I could not influence or better.
Emotions are easily manipulated - anger and fear are prominent these days. Anger about guns, anger about people who do harm. Where is the understanding, tolerance, or love? We can't fix it all, no matter how angry we get.
For every argument there are two sides. For everything there is a good and a bad. I keep to myself mostly because people are so quick to lump someone into a category - place them on sides, and I don't consider myself on any side. I understand all sides, but I also believe certain things are not the business of government or others of authority to tell people what to do. Nothing is as black and white as people like to think it is. What will fix things more than any regulations or bans, or anything is a belief that we need to respect each other, help each other, look out for each other, depend on ourselves and each other, not some entity of authority that too often has no idea how anything they create will work in a real world atmosphere.
I've watched respect for each other slip. I've watched hate and fear grow. The two seem to go hand in hand. I even fell victim to the two ugly emotions at points. I see it breeding now, fueled by media, by people in power who see that they can manipulate emotions and pit people against each other to reach their motives.
My challenge to myself and to everyone - don't fall for the manipulation or the fear, accept that we don't and can't know all. It's not our responsibility to know or fix everything because we can rarely fix anything without risking harm in unforeseeable ways. What we need to do is learn and teach respect, love, and be prepared to stand strong in the face of adversity, work hard for what we need. It is not okay to harm another who is not acting to do harm. It is not okay to act on hate, and sad to act in fear. Maybe, if more of us keep that in mind, we can turn the darkness hanging over so many into light.
To market efficiently there is an understanding of the human psyche needed. I have a certain amount of that understanding too. I walk into a store and I understand the placements of certain products and how it all manipulates customers to encourage impulse buying.
I refuse to manipulate. Oh, it can be said that writing is manipulative, and I do concede to that. The author's views and opinions undoubtedly leak into their story. But when I write, I don't wish to do anything more than tell a good story, and, truth be told, some of my characters have views and beliefs that really do differ from my own. There's so much manipulation already, and I don't wish to add to it other than to share a good, entertaining story.
If you doubt that we are manipulated, turn on the television, walk into a store. We are manipulated every moment we watch TV, even manipulated to ask our doctors (or even tell them) about a medication we think we need or want. We are bombarded with it daily.
A powerful tool of manipulation is fear. A good dose of it hit Boston and the nation recently. I knew about it. I spent time in quiet meditation, felt sorrow for those who suffered as a result of the violence. And that's as far as I allowed it to enter my home or my mind. I heard a saying once, not to let fester things I could not influence or better.
Emotions are easily manipulated - anger and fear are prominent these days. Anger about guns, anger about people who do harm. Where is the understanding, tolerance, or love? We can't fix it all, no matter how angry we get.
For every argument there are two sides. For everything there is a good and a bad. I keep to myself mostly because people are so quick to lump someone into a category - place them on sides, and I don't consider myself on any side. I understand all sides, but I also believe certain things are not the business of government or others of authority to tell people what to do. Nothing is as black and white as people like to think it is. What will fix things more than any regulations or bans, or anything is a belief that we need to respect each other, help each other, look out for each other, depend on ourselves and each other, not some entity of authority that too often has no idea how anything they create will work in a real world atmosphere.
I've watched respect for each other slip. I've watched hate and fear grow. The two seem to go hand in hand. I even fell victim to the two ugly emotions at points. I see it breeding now, fueled by media, by people in power who see that they can manipulate emotions and pit people against each other to reach their motives.
My challenge to myself and to everyone - don't fall for the manipulation or the fear, accept that we don't and can't know all. It's not our responsibility to know or fix everything because we can rarely fix anything without risking harm in unforeseeable ways. What we need to do is learn and teach respect, love, and be prepared to stand strong in the face of adversity, work hard for what we need. It is not okay to harm another who is not acting to do harm. It is not okay to act on hate, and sad to act in fear. Maybe, if more of us keep that in mind, we can turn the darkness hanging over so many into light.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
All About Perception
Right now, in the states, we are buried chin deep in bantering back and forth about what label or party is right or wrong. I can't help but think it's all wrong. A couple years ago I traveled outside of my comfort zone on a road trip farther than I ever wanted to for a reason I never wanted. It was amazing seeing so much of the country I live in within such a short amount of time, but I wasn't fully able to take it all in and digest it at the time.
Since then, the experiences I had on that trip have settled in and resonated. The biggest thing I realized was how different one area of this beautiful country is from another. It was culture shock. I wondered why there were no actual trees. And I realized how many folks looked at me and my travel companions as if we were the ones out of place. I work with people all over the country and even the world in my business. I've talked with wonderful people with thick southern accents, even a friend with an Australian accent. I probably have that to thank for the ability to communicate a little easier with cashiers, waitresses, and others on that trip. I was a little better at pronouncing some syllables clearer than my natural Pennsylvania accent, and better at following the southern accent when my mom could not.
Accents weren't the only thing I noticed. It was January and we ended up in Texas. Some joked we brought the snow with us. While our vehicle was well suited for the white stuff, we were taken aback by how many vehicles were doing donuts in the middle of the highway in front of us, behind us. All I could do was hope none of those people slammed into us and think "get off the brakes, please get off your brakes!" Up here, we do donuts on back roads for fun sometimes in the wet slippery snow. One big no-no, when not trying to do donuts, is slamming on the brakes. It's a learned thing to fight that instinct, I suppose.
I was also shocked that they had tiny itty-bitty little trucks running the roads dumping sand to help with traction. Sand...okay, maybe not too bad of an idea. Salt is rather filthy and it sure doesn't freeze as hard down there. But the trucks were smaller than the ones we have running our tiny township roads and theirs were on the highway. True, we are accustomed to the threat of feet of snow for a couple months a year. From what we were told, they get an occasional brush with winter for a few hours here and there.
I learned that my state does not have the worst roads of the connected 48 states. I learned that each state and every person has their very own beauty. I learned that I absolutely adore these gentle mountains I live in and the varieties of trees that can stand 80 to 100 feet tall. And I learned that we are one enormously diverse country, and I saw only a small fraction of it. It is an amazing thing that we have existed in harmony for so long. So what has happened? I've watched harmony slip. Every incident is a need to change the whole of society, but which way, and which way is right?
Maybe we've forgotten that we are all different. Some have looked to government to give order to it all and put people in their place. Some order is needed, no doubt about it, but we can't forget just how widely diverse we all are. What is best for someone in Dallas Texas is not going to work the same for someone in a town with a recorded population of a few hundred that includes miles of farms and homesteads that go back to the 1800s in the Pennsylvania mountains. Businesses in the rural town might not cost as much to run, or bring in as much profit, as one in Dallas. What works for a single mother in Detroit might not be any help whatsoever to a single mother from the tiny town in PA. It's not about being racist or small minded. It's about being aware that we are all so wildly different from one area to another, from one state to another, even just from the bigger cities to the rural farmlands just thirty miles away. Our needs are different. Our beliefs and way of life are different. Not better, not worse, just different. Why can we not respect this of each other? Why do we argue and bash as our world gets smaller, trying to make everyone fit into what a few deem is correct?
Accepting our differences, respecting each other without labels or arguments of who is wrong or right, if we could accomplish such tasks, would help bring about a calming of our world.
Since then, the experiences I had on that trip have settled in and resonated. The biggest thing I realized was how different one area of this beautiful country is from another. It was culture shock. I wondered why there were no actual trees. And I realized how many folks looked at me and my travel companions as if we were the ones out of place. I work with people all over the country and even the world in my business. I've talked with wonderful people with thick southern accents, even a friend with an Australian accent. I probably have that to thank for the ability to communicate a little easier with cashiers, waitresses, and others on that trip. I was a little better at pronouncing some syllables clearer than my natural Pennsylvania accent, and better at following the southern accent when my mom could not.
Accents weren't the only thing I noticed. It was January and we ended up in Texas. Some joked we brought the snow with us. While our vehicle was well suited for the white stuff, we were taken aback by how many vehicles were doing donuts in the middle of the highway in front of us, behind us. All I could do was hope none of those people slammed into us and think "get off the brakes, please get off your brakes!" Up here, we do donuts on back roads for fun sometimes in the wet slippery snow. One big no-no, when not trying to do donuts, is slamming on the brakes. It's a learned thing to fight that instinct, I suppose.
I was also shocked that they had tiny itty-bitty little trucks running the roads dumping sand to help with traction. Sand...okay, maybe not too bad of an idea. Salt is rather filthy and it sure doesn't freeze as hard down there. But the trucks were smaller than the ones we have running our tiny township roads and theirs were on the highway. True, we are accustomed to the threat of feet of snow for a couple months a year. From what we were told, they get an occasional brush with winter for a few hours here and there.
I learned that my state does not have the worst roads of the connected 48 states. I learned that each state and every person has their very own beauty. I learned that I absolutely adore these gentle mountains I live in and the varieties of trees that can stand 80 to 100 feet tall. And I learned that we are one enormously diverse country, and I saw only a small fraction of it. It is an amazing thing that we have existed in harmony for so long. So what has happened? I've watched harmony slip. Every incident is a need to change the whole of society, but which way, and which way is right?
Maybe we've forgotten that we are all different. Some have looked to government to give order to it all and put people in their place. Some order is needed, no doubt about it, but we can't forget just how widely diverse we all are. What is best for someone in Dallas Texas is not going to work the same for someone in a town with a recorded population of a few hundred that includes miles of farms and homesteads that go back to the 1800s in the Pennsylvania mountains. Businesses in the rural town might not cost as much to run, or bring in as much profit, as one in Dallas. What works for a single mother in Detroit might not be any help whatsoever to a single mother from the tiny town in PA. It's not about being racist or small minded. It's about being aware that we are all so wildly different from one area to another, from one state to another, even just from the bigger cities to the rural farmlands just thirty miles away. Our needs are different. Our beliefs and way of life are different. Not better, not worse, just different. Why can we not respect this of each other? Why do we argue and bash as our world gets smaller, trying to make everyone fit into what a few deem is correct?
Accepting our differences, respecting each other without labels or arguments of who is wrong or right, if we could accomplish such tasks, would help bring about a calming of our world.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Judgments
Life is full of decisions we have to make every day, for ourselves, for our children, for our families, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. I've watched this process for as far back as I can remember. I've participated in it (I do have three children) but I have never felt the need to judge a person on their past or current actions, not even my children. Judgments are very different things than decisions. It's not my place to tell anyone what to do with the bigger things of life. I share my opinions, advise when asked, give input, and offer a helping hand if needed, but it is ultimately always the other person's choice whether to take any of it or not. And I never think any better or worse of anyone for it even if that part is sometimes misunderstood.
I've heard people tell a married person they needed to dump their spouse simply because they didn't like the spouse or their behavior (judging the spouse as unworthy). I've heard people criticize someone for being friends with someone only because they didn't like that someone (judging the someone as unworthy). I've seen people believe that because they don't get along with a person (they don't like how the other acts, takes care of their yard, their pets), no one else they know should either (judging that person as unworthy). I've seen people spout nasty things about others in an attempt to turn others away from the person they have an issue with (judging that person as needing punished for not doing what the other wanted, or thinks should be done). I've seen others claim someone a slob, lazy, or mean because that's what they saw (judging the someone as being lesser than them). And I wonder, do they ever once stop and look in the mirror?
The Mirror:
It's a hard thing to do, to look in the mirror and see ourselves not for the image we have built up in our minds of ourselves, but for the person we really are and ask why we make the judgments we do. What gives us the right to tell someone else whom to marry (or dump), how to take care of a pet, or raise their children, or even how often they should dust their house. What makes our way any better than the other person's way? (Barring behavior that is downright abusive or dangerous, of course.) It's normal to have thoughts, to think: "that's not good, they're going to regret that one" and the like, but it's not good to condemn someone.
None of us truly know the path any other person is walking. We don't know their burdens, haunts, fears, pains, dreams or desires, and we can't ever truly know all of them. So why do so many so often feel the need to judge others and demand they be and do things just like them?
The Hard Questions:
Before we judge a person or situation, maybe we should stop and think and ask ourselves why.
Do we feel older and wiser than the person we're judging? Maybe so, but maybe it's better to let the other learn on their own after a drop of advice if it's asked for.
Do we just not like it because it's something we wouldn't do? If that's the case, drop it. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's better or worse.
Do we feel we know what's proper and have a right to demand others see and do it the same way? That needs to be explored more deeply, because I can't help think: what makes someone's idea of proper more proper than another's?
Do we feel what they do hurts us or others directly (like someone not doing their work and dumping it on you)? Then we need to communicate with the other, ask for changes that are needed, and if that still doesn't work, deal with it gently however needed. Attack the behavior, not the person. And be sure attacking the behavior isn't just because it bothers you because you don't like it. Make sure the reason is real and valid.
Respect
Maybe, just maybe, we need to learn to respect each other's differences when the differences do not threaten life and limb. You don't have to like how they do something or even what they do unless it directly affects you (and sometimes not even then). It's not our business to judge and tell anyone else to be different just for the sake of being more like us or doing things the way we believe they should be done. It's not our business to say things about another (unless we are warning of potentially harmful things like someone we know beyond doubt is tangled up with something as damaging and dangerous as some terrible illegal acts) just because we don't agree with how they do something. You think someone lazy? How do you know what they are dealing with on the inside or what they do when you aren't watching them?
Dangerous Things
Judgments are dangerous things, and we need to be very careful with them. Misuse them and you could damage another life. Friendships are shattered, marriages, relationships of all kinds. We are allowed to have differences, disagreements, and even ask for changes if things another does affects us directly, but do we have the right to judge another's worth or how they do things that don't affect us at all, beyond irritating our beliefs on how it should be done. Even if you feel the need to do such a hurtful act, maybe it should be a need that is restrained. Too many people fail to reach their full potential because someone in their life tore them down instead of lifting them up. Too many people give up on life because they can't live up to the expectations they are told to live up to. Too many are feeling lost and alone. Too many feel worthless.
Maybe, just maybe, we need to learn to accept others instead of judging them, love them, instead of trying to control them, and only act on judgments about ourselves. Because we, personally, are the one person we know inside and out and have a right to tell to be different. And the hardest question of all: do you love and accept yourself. Because sometimes our own judgments against our own selves are the most dangerous and damaging things of all.
I've heard people tell a married person they needed to dump their spouse simply because they didn't like the spouse or their behavior (judging the spouse as unworthy). I've heard people criticize someone for being friends with someone only because they didn't like that someone (judging the someone as unworthy). I've seen people believe that because they don't get along with a person (they don't like how the other acts, takes care of their yard, their pets), no one else they know should either (judging that person as unworthy). I've seen people spout nasty things about others in an attempt to turn others away from the person they have an issue with (judging that person as needing punished for not doing what the other wanted, or thinks should be done). I've seen others claim someone a slob, lazy, or mean because that's what they saw (judging the someone as being lesser than them). And I wonder, do they ever once stop and look in the mirror?
The Mirror:
It's a hard thing to do, to look in the mirror and see ourselves not for the image we have built up in our minds of ourselves, but for the person we really are and ask why we make the judgments we do. What gives us the right to tell someone else whom to marry (or dump), how to take care of a pet, or raise their children, or even how often they should dust their house. What makes our way any better than the other person's way? (Barring behavior that is downright abusive or dangerous, of course.) It's normal to have thoughts, to think: "that's not good, they're going to regret that one" and the like, but it's not good to condemn someone.
None of us truly know the path any other person is walking. We don't know their burdens, haunts, fears, pains, dreams or desires, and we can't ever truly know all of them. So why do so many so often feel the need to judge others and demand they be and do things just like them?
The Hard Questions:
Before we judge a person or situation, maybe we should stop and think and ask ourselves why.
Do we feel older and wiser than the person we're judging? Maybe so, but maybe it's better to let the other learn on their own after a drop of advice if it's asked for.
Do we just not like it because it's something we wouldn't do? If that's the case, drop it. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's better or worse.
Do we feel we know what's proper and have a right to demand others see and do it the same way? That needs to be explored more deeply, because I can't help think: what makes someone's idea of proper more proper than another's?
Do we feel what they do hurts us or others directly (like someone not doing their work and dumping it on you)? Then we need to communicate with the other, ask for changes that are needed, and if that still doesn't work, deal with it gently however needed. Attack the behavior, not the person. And be sure attacking the behavior isn't just because it bothers you because you don't like it. Make sure the reason is real and valid.
Respect
Maybe, just maybe, we need to learn to respect each other's differences when the differences do not threaten life and limb. You don't have to like how they do something or even what they do unless it directly affects you (and sometimes not even then). It's not our business to judge and tell anyone else to be different just for the sake of being more like us or doing things the way we believe they should be done. It's not our business to say things about another (unless we are warning of potentially harmful things like someone we know beyond doubt is tangled up with something as damaging and dangerous as some terrible illegal acts) just because we don't agree with how they do something. You think someone lazy? How do you know what they are dealing with on the inside or what they do when you aren't watching them?
Dangerous Things
Judgments are dangerous things, and we need to be very careful with them. Misuse them and you could damage another life. Friendships are shattered, marriages, relationships of all kinds. We are allowed to have differences, disagreements, and even ask for changes if things another does affects us directly, but do we have the right to judge another's worth or how they do things that don't affect us at all, beyond irritating our beliefs on how it should be done. Even if you feel the need to do such a hurtful act, maybe it should be a need that is restrained. Too many people fail to reach their full potential because someone in their life tore them down instead of lifting them up. Too many people give up on life because they can't live up to the expectations they are told to live up to. Too many are feeling lost and alone. Too many feel worthless.
Maybe, just maybe, we need to learn to accept others instead of judging them, love them, instead of trying to control them, and only act on judgments about ourselves. Because we, personally, are the one person we know inside and out and have a right to tell to be different. And the hardest question of all: do you love and accept yourself. Because sometimes our own judgments against our own selves are the most dangerous and damaging things of all.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Victim or Survivor
Bad, sometimes even terrible things, happen to each and every one of us. There are no free rides in this world. Some instances seem worse than others, but to each person experiencing each hardship, they all feel near the same - regardless of what outside forces label as the worst. They can all devastate and scar for life. The only thing we can control is what we become because of them.
Victims
We all know those people with the proverbial chip on their shoulder, or maybe even have a chip ourselves. We can feel that we are owed something because of an experience (sometimes a 'victim' is owed some kind of payment for an injustice, but for this article, I'm speaking of a more general emotional state). And lives can be lived going around with an emotional hand out collecting what we believe we are owed. People like this often leave a river of injured souls in their wake, becoming hard to love if they won't love back or repeating painful cycles and inflicting on themselves and those around them the same painful circumstances over and over. A victim never escapes the cycle. They live out their lives in misery because of what was done to them, searching for people to fix their pain and make them happy. Problem is, someone else can't do that for anyone.
Survivors
We all know those people who are the first to lend a hand, share a hug and a smile, and seem to love life. And when we find out they haven't had a life only full of love and laughter, it's surprising. There really isn't a whole lot to say other than they work, they love, they live and keep living no matter what happened in their past. They still cry, but they know how to heal their own pain and know how to find their own happiness. Often times they are the people others love to be around.
The Scars
The scars of a Survivor are no different than the scars of a Victim. The difference between them is how they react to their pain. We can't control everything that happens to us. What we can control is our reaction to those things. Not everyone recognizes their scars, though. They can manifest in so many ways. Insecurities, fears, obsessive needs, bad habits, and many more. They can manifest in cycles of bad relationships, failed jobs, dreams that fall short of being reached over and over.
The cycles of misery can end.
You must make a conscious choice for happiness.
Only we have the power to undo the misery that has been done to us, we must make a conscious choice to learn from what happened but not let it define us. Live only forward. New trials are not always the fault of the past. Go forward. Leave as much of the pain in the past as possible in any way that you can. Realize the true importance of things.
I read once that before I allowed stress or worry to upset me, I should ask myself "in five years will I remember or still be affected by the issue?" At first, everything was always "of couse, yes!" But as years passed and I was able to stand back and actually look back five years, I started to realize how much everything changes in just five years. What feels life shattering may actually not be so. And I started to live forward. Even when bad things happen, look forward.
Even a Survivor can be knocked down
But a Survivor always works to find a way to get back up. They can turn to their friends for consoling, and sometimes even need other help, but a Survivor will always look for a way and do the work they need to do to get back on their feet because to them, there is no other way. They strive to be at peace and be happy.
Strive to be a Survivor
It's never ever too late if you realize you've been living the life of a victim or to keep from sliding into the life of a victim. You can choose to break your cycles and not dwell on misery. Choose to live forward and let the pain of the past reside in the past.
Choose to be happy.
Victims
We all know those people with the proverbial chip on their shoulder, or maybe even have a chip ourselves. We can feel that we are owed something because of an experience (sometimes a 'victim' is owed some kind of payment for an injustice, but for this article, I'm speaking of a more general emotional state). And lives can be lived going around with an emotional hand out collecting what we believe we are owed. People like this often leave a river of injured souls in their wake, becoming hard to love if they won't love back or repeating painful cycles and inflicting on themselves and those around them the same painful circumstances over and over. A victim never escapes the cycle. They live out their lives in misery because of what was done to them, searching for people to fix their pain and make them happy. Problem is, someone else can't do that for anyone.
Survivors
We all know those people who are the first to lend a hand, share a hug and a smile, and seem to love life. And when we find out they haven't had a life only full of love and laughter, it's surprising. There really isn't a whole lot to say other than they work, they love, they live and keep living no matter what happened in their past. They still cry, but they know how to heal their own pain and know how to find their own happiness. Often times they are the people others love to be around.
The Scars
The scars of a Survivor are no different than the scars of a Victim. The difference between them is how they react to their pain. We can't control everything that happens to us. What we can control is our reaction to those things. Not everyone recognizes their scars, though. They can manifest in so many ways. Insecurities, fears, obsessive needs, bad habits, and many more. They can manifest in cycles of bad relationships, failed jobs, dreams that fall short of being reached over and over.
The cycles of misery can end.
You must make a conscious choice for happiness.
Only we have the power to undo the misery that has been done to us, we must make a conscious choice to learn from what happened but not let it define us. Live only forward. New trials are not always the fault of the past. Go forward. Leave as much of the pain in the past as possible in any way that you can. Realize the true importance of things.
I read once that before I allowed stress or worry to upset me, I should ask myself "in five years will I remember or still be affected by the issue?" At first, everything was always "of couse, yes!" But as years passed and I was able to stand back and actually look back five years, I started to realize how much everything changes in just five years. What feels life shattering may actually not be so. And I started to live forward. Even when bad things happen, look forward.
Even a Survivor can be knocked down
But a Survivor always works to find a way to get back up. They can turn to their friends for consoling, and sometimes even need other help, but a Survivor will always look for a way and do the work they need to do to get back on their feet because to them, there is no other way. They strive to be at peace and be happy.
Strive to be a Survivor
It's never ever too late if you realize you've been living the life of a victim or to keep from sliding into the life of a victim. You can choose to break your cycles and not dwell on misery. Choose to live forward and let the pain of the past reside in the past.
Choose to be happy.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Finding Your Way
A fellow writer challenged people to write about the turning point in their lives - the one instance where things fell apart and they found their way. He wants everyone to share their story.
"Which time" is the first question that pops into my mind. He talked about the life changing events that led him to do his life purpose. I found my life purpose years ago. Still, things threaten to muddy it.
This last time? Well, writing about that would be hard because this latest life wreckage is still ongoing. The past few years have piled up a mass of pain and frustration, and complete disillusionment to so many things, big and small, I'm still reeling in the aftermath while staring into the maw of what yet awaits for the near future.
I will escape. How do I know that? Because there is no other option. None that I know of. When? As soon as I can manage, but the exact timetable is unknown.
How does one recover from a realization that someone they thought was a very dear friend for years really didn't know them at all? Which then reveals just how much of the past five or so years were false - of the friends that were considered family who are no longer there because of some misunderstanding of something they assumed you thought? How does one deal with finishing the thing that was their main life purpose, the one task that has ruled their life for the last twenty years, hitting the end of that line and having just empty air? How does one survive the fight of a dear family member with an illness that can't be cured? An illness that made clear just how bad the "systems" that I thought were there to help had gotten. There is no help. And how does one keep going when what they do with their heart and soul is referred to as: glad you get to do your "thing" but how about a real job. A statement that wasn't meant to harm but somehow stripped every last ounce of "get up" that remained. Because without the "thing" - aka, my life purpose - there really is nothing else.
You just do.
You get up each morning and "do." Do what? That doesn't much matter, I don't think, not to start. It's a matter of just doing something, anything. One day at a time. And having the courage to do the thing that completes you or remain with the "thing" even when it's thought a waste by people important to you.
Life takes a huge amount of stubbornness, perseverance, determination, and conviction. It will test you over and over, prod, strangle, stomp on, and try to beat you to a pulp. It may even succeed to reducing you to pulp. We all fall into the despair. That's okay. Just don't stay there too long. Defiantly get to your knees, keep your chin high, and get up no matter how many times you land at the bottom. Get up. Pick up the pieces, or throw them out and make new ones. And keep going forward. Life will try to keep you down. Don't let it. You are better than that.
"Which time" is the first question that pops into my mind. He talked about the life changing events that led him to do his life purpose. I found my life purpose years ago. Still, things threaten to muddy it.
This last time? Well, writing about that would be hard because this latest life wreckage is still ongoing. The past few years have piled up a mass of pain and frustration, and complete disillusionment to so many things, big and small, I'm still reeling in the aftermath while staring into the maw of what yet awaits for the near future.
I will escape. How do I know that? Because there is no other option. None that I know of. When? As soon as I can manage, but the exact timetable is unknown.
How does one recover from a realization that someone they thought was a very dear friend for years really didn't know them at all? Which then reveals just how much of the past five or so years were false - of the friends that were considered family who are no longer there because of some misunderstanding of something they assumed you thought? How does one deal with finishing the thing that was their main life purpose, the one task that has ruled their life for the last twenty years, hitting the end of that line and having just empty air? How does one survive the fight of a dear family member with an illness that can't be cured? An illness that made clear just how bad the "systems" that I thought were there to help had gotten. There is no help. And how does one keep going when what they do with their heart and soul is referred to as: glad you get to do your "thing" but how about a real job. A statement that wasn't meant to harm but somehow stripped every last ounce of "get up" that remained. Because without the "thing" - aka, my life purpose - there really is nothing else.
You just do.
You get up each morning and "do." Do what? That doesn't much matter, I don't think, not to start. It's a matter of just doing something, anything. One day at a time. And having the courage to do the thing that completes you or remain with the "thing" even when it's thought a waste by people important to you.
Life takes a huge amount of stubbornness, perseverance, determination, and conviction. It will test you over and over, prod, strangle, stomp on, and try to beat you to a pulp. It may even succeed to reducing you to pulp. We all fall into the despair. That's okay. Just don't stay there too long. Defiantly get to your knees, keep your chin high, and get up no matter how many times you land at the bottom. Get up. Pick up the pieces, or throw them out and make new ones. And keep going forward. Life will try to keep you down. Don't let it. You are better than that.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Breathe
When I started this blog, my goal was to post something here each week at least. Didn't quite work out, sorry about that.
We are dealing with an illness in my family, one that is stealing away a loved one's ability to breathe. We're getting through as best as possible, I suppose. Holding onto hope.
Such a simple thing, isn't it -- to take a breath. If your lungs work as they should, don't take it for granted. If they work at all, don't take it for granted. I enjoy the simple act of running up and down the stairs these days. Because I can, maybe not as well as others and I'm huffing and puffing at the top, but hey, I'm still able to do it.
Just breathe.
Some have to fight to do that very needed act for every second of life they grasp. Those with asthma understand, those with emphysema, lung disease, infection. The inflictions that can affect our lungs are mind boggling.
Today, as the air brushes around the tree leaves and birds whistle and trill in the quiet of my backyard, I take a deep breath, glad for my antihistamines, and hoping for my loved one to do the same soon. Somehow, someway. To not be trapped in the battle to just breathe.
We are dealing with an illness in my family, one that is stealing away a loved one's ability to breathe. We're getting through as best as possible, I suppose. Holding onto hope.
Such a simple thing, isn't it -- to take a breath. If your lungs work as they should, don't take it for granted. If they work at all, don't take it for granted. I enjoy the simple act of running up and down the stairs these days. Because I can, maybe not as well as others and I'm huffing and puffing at the top, but hey, I'm still able to do it.
Just breathe.
Some have to fight to do that very needed act for every second of life they grasp. Those with asthma understand, those with emphysema, lung disease, infection. The inflictions that can affect our lungs are mind boggling.
Today, as the air brushes around the tree leaves and birds whistle and trill in the quiet of my backyard, I take a deep breath, glad for my antihistamines, and hoping for my loved one to do the same soon. Somehow, someway. To not be trapped in the battle to just breathe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)